Brenda Khan
Death and bereavement rituals are a combination of customs and commandments derived from the Torah and Judaism's classical rabbinic literature. The rituals surrounding death in the Orthodox Jewish community are very formal and are observed stringently. When someone is nearing death, they are encouraged to make a final confession known as the Viddui, an examination of conscience and a seeking of forgiveness from God. Upon receiving the news of a death, a blessing is recited. The funeral service is typically begun by a rabbi, who also aids the mourners in tearing one of their outer garments to express grief. The casket is closed but placed at the front of the funeral hall, and psalms are recited as people enter. The four periods of onein, shiva, shloshim, and availut (the full year of mourning) help mark the time across the first year of mourning.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Dietary rules | No cheeseburgers, no meat and dairy together, no shellfish, no pork products, no blood, no eating while walking in the streets |
| Food preparation | Meat must be slaughtered in the correct way, known as shechitah, by a shochet, a specially trained religious Jew who is licensed and trained to slaughter animals in accordance with kashrut rules |
| Kosher food | Food that is allowed according to Jewish dietary laws; includes vegetables, pasta, rice, fish, and kosher meat |
| Pareve/parev food | Neutral foods that can be eaten with meat or dairy; these include vegetables, pasta, and rice |
| Treif/trefah food | Food that is not allowed according to Jewish dietary laws; includes shellfish, pork products, and food that has not been slaughtered in the correct way |
| Kashrut | The set of Jewish dietary laws; kosher food must be prepared in accordance with these laws; approximately three-quarters of all prepackaged foods in the US and Canada have some kind of kosher certification |
| Halakhah | Rabbinic law; Orthodox Jews follow the Torah and halakhah and only accept changes that can be supported by the Torah |
| Shabbat | A traditional Shabbat meal for Ashkenazi Jews might include stuffed vine leaves, roast beef, pot roast, or chicken, carrots tzimmes, and potatoes; for Sephardi Jews, it would focus more on salads, couscous, and other Middle-Eastern specialties |
| Passover | Foods vary between Sephardic and Ashkenazic communities; Ashkenazim exclude rice, while Sephardim serve it; matza is traditionally prepared from water and flour only, but there are other varieties like egg matza |
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What You'll Learn
- Orthodox Jews may contact their rabbi to discuss last wishes and plan their funeral
- The deceased's relatives will tear an outer garment and place a small stone on the grave
- The mourner's Kaddish is said at prayer services, funerals and memorials
- The deceased's relatives will say the Shema, a declaration of faith
- The deceased's relatives will make peace with those they have fallen out with
Orthodox Jews may contact their rabbi to discuss last wishes and plan their funeral
When facing a terminal diagnosis or imminent death, Orthodox Jews may contact their rabbi to discuss last wishes and plan their funeral. While the rabbi's presence at the deathbed is not required, they can provide guidance and support to the dying individual. This includes helping them make peace with their loved ones and ensuring they have a will in place to avoid potential family conflicts. The rabbi can also assist in funeral planning, including music and readings, providing comfort to those facing mortality.
Rabbi Romain, for instance, advises the dying to make peace with those they have fallen out with: "I will ask them if there is any unresolved conflict, particularly within the family. It is a time for being reconciled so you can die with an easy heart rather than regret." This spiritual guidance can bring peace of mind and help ease the transition from life to death.
Additionally, according to Jewish law, or Halakha, cremation is forbidden, and organ donation practices may be complicated. Orthodox Jews may need to consult their rabbis on a case-by-case basis regarding these matters. Since 2001, with the founding of the Halachic Organ Donor Society, organ donation has become more common in modern Orthodox Jewish communities, especially with rabbinical support.
Funerals in Orthodox Judaism are highly ritualized and formal, with specific roles and duties assigned to mourners. Before the service, the closest relatives, or principal mourners, will be aided by the rabbi or officiant in tearing an outer garment, symbolising grief and accompanied by a blessing acknowledging God as the "Judge of Truth." The casket is closed but placed prominently at the front of the funeral hall, with psalms or Tehillim recited as people enter. The rabbi typically begins the service with a few words about the deceased and introduces the other speakers.
The Kaddish, or Mourner's Kaddish, is recited at funerals and during the shloshim, the 30-day mourning period. In the case of mourning a parent, the Kaddish is recited for 11 months, three times a day, in the synagogue. This obligation falls on sons, not daughters, according to Orthodox tradition. The recitation of the Kaddish is a challenging aspect of the grieving process, requiring dedication and potentially interfering with regular schedules.
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The deceased's relatives will tear an outer garment and place a small stone on the grave
When an Orthodox Jew passes away, their relatives will tear an outer garment, and place a small stone on the grave. This practice is rooted in Jewish mourning customs, and is observed by immediate family members. The tear is made on the left side of the chest, over the heart, for a parent, and on the right side for other family members. The tear should be about 3 inches long, starting from the neckline and extending vertically downwards. This act of tearing, known as "Kriah", represents the mourner's pain and grief, acknowledging the loss and symbolizing that the body is only a garment for the soul. The tearing is often accompanied by the recitation of the prayer "Baruch Dayan Ha-Emet", which translates to "blessed is the true judge".
The tradition of placing a small stone on the grave is also significant in Jewish culture. Visitors to a Jewish cemetery will place a stone on the grave using their left hand. This act serves multiple purposes. Firstly, it marks the visitor's presence at the gravesite, indicating that someone has come to pay their respects. Additionally, it is a way of tending the grave and perpetuating the existence of the site. In Biblical times, gravestones were not used, and graves were instead marked with mounds of stones, known as cairns. Thus, the placement or replacement of stones helps to preserve the memory of the deceased.
The placement of stones may also have other symbolic meanings. Some believe that it serves as a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Others suggest that stones are used because they are inert, non-living things, representing the enduring nature of our memories of the deceased. Furthermore, the Hebrew abbreviation "tafnat", found on some gravestones, translates to "May his/her soul be bound up in the bonds of eternal life", with "tsror" meaning pebble or stone. Thus, the act of placing a stone on the grave aligns with this wish for the soul's eternal bond.
The timing of erecting a memorial stone at a gravesite can vary. While some families may choose to do so at the end of Shiva (the first seven days of intensive mourning), others, particularly descendants of East Central European Jews in Western countries, wait until the first Yahrtzeit or a year after the burial. The orientation and placement of the memorial stone may also differ, with some communities placing it at the head end of the grave, while others place it at the foot of the deceased.
Overall, the practices of tearing an outer garment and placing a small stone on the grave are deeply rooted in Jewish mourning rituals, providing a way for the deceased's relatives and visitors to express their grief, honor the memory of the departed, and find solace in their traditions.
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The mourner's Kaddish is said at prayer services, funerals and memorials
The death of a loved one is a difficult time for anyone, and religious customs and traditions can offer some comfort and guidance during the mourning period. Judaism teaches that a deceased person can benefit from the merit of mitzvot (commandments) performed in their memory, and the Mourners Kaddish is a prayer that is recited in memory of the dead.
The Mourners Kaddish is said at prayer services, funerals, and memorials. It is a way for mourners to show that, even as their faith is being tested by their loss, they are still affirming God's greatness. The prayer is written in Aramaic and is included in all three daily prayer services. It is also said each year on the anniversary of the death. The Mourners Kaddish makes no mention of death or dying but instead proclaims the greatness of God. The prayer is said only when there is a minyan, a quorum of ten Jews, so that the mourner can feel part of the community, even while grieving.
The principal mourners in Jewish custom are the first-degree relatives: parents, children, siblings, and spouses. In the Orthodox tradition, it is the obligation of the sons to recite the Kaddish as part of synagogue services for eleven months. This is done to mark the anniversary of a parent's death, and the prayer is also said at the graveside on the occasion of a Yahrzeit.
The Mourners Kaddish is a way for those grieving to connect with their community and find solace in their faith, knowing that their loved one's soul can benefit from their devotion.
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The deceased's relatives will say the Shema, a declaration of faith
Judaism's rituals surrounding death are very formal. Funerals are one of the few instances where most Jews, including the non-practising ones, observe the 613 biblical commandments. The formal nature of the rituals can help the bereaved make it through the grieving process. By giving mourners specific roles, duties and assignments, the formal practices can help the bereaved strengthen bonds and get support in the most painful early periods of loss.
The principal mourners are the first-degree relatives: parent, child, sibling, and spouse. Religious laws concerning mourning do not apply to those under thirteen years of age, nor do they apply when the deceased is aged 30 days or less. Upon receiving the news of the death, the following blessing is recited: "ברוך אתה יי אלוהינו מלך העולם, דיין האמת · Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam, dayan ha-emet."
Before the funeral service begins, the mourners (closest relatives) will be aided by the officiant in tearing one of their outer garments, either a jacket or a shirt or both. This practice is a controlled yet cathartic way of expressing grief, and it is usually accompanied by the recitation of a blessing acknowledging God as the "Judge of Truth." The tearing is required to extend in length to a tefach (handbreadth), or what is equivalent to about 9 centimetres (3.5 in). The tear should be on the left side (over the heart and clearly visible) for a parent, including foster parents, and on the right side for siblings (including half-brothers and half-sisters), children, and spouses (and does not need to be visible).
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The deceased's relatives will make peace with those they have fallen out with
Death is a natural process in Judaism, and Jewish rituals around death and dying are extensive. They are not an expression of fear or distaste for death but to show respect for the dead and to comfort the living.
When someone is dying, a rabbi may advise them to make peace with those they have fallen out with. This is so that the dying person can "die with an easy heart rather than regret". The last words of a dying Jew are considered to be the Shema, the Jewish declaration of faith that begins: "Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One".
In addition, it is considered a special privilege to bring merit to the departed by learning Torah in their name. A popular custom among Orthodox Jews is to coordinate a group of people who will jointly study the complete Mishnah during the shloshim period.
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Frequently asked questions
The Orthodox Jewish diet is called Kashrut, a set of dietary laws dealing with the foods that Jews are allowed to eat.
Foods that are not allowed are called treif or trefah. Examples include shellfish, pork products, and birds of prey.
Yes, Jewish cuisines vary widely depending on their regions of origin, but they tend to be broadly categorized into Sephardi (Iberian, Anatolian, and North African), Mizrahi (Middle Eastern, Caucasian, and Central Asian), and Ashkenazi (Eastern, Western, and Central European) families.
Some common practices include not eating meat and dairy together, only consuming kosher meat, and using separate utensils and appliances for meat and dairy products.
While some of the dietary laws have beneficial health effects, such as improved digestion from not eating meat and dairy together, the Orthodox Jewish community is characterized by high rates of obesity, anemia, and diabetes.
![Kashrus Halacha - Bitul and Blios [Book 2]: Select applications of הלכות בשר בחלב and הלכות תערובות as they apply at home and in commercial food establishments](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51I0nPiFBlL._AC_UL320_.jpg)
